Look back 2011
31 Dec 2011 It is the New Year Eve.
Wow, 10 going to 11 years passed. Growing up real fast. Look back in 2011, so far, nothing big has happened in my life. I got a new bed this year. Studies wise, my GPA improved, I went to Philippines in July and there I experienced something different, seen the different lifestyles, the people i hang around me showed me another side of humanity.
Then after the trip, my perspectives changed, i feel so much, as in I look at the motive of the actions/ words. Maybe the stay in the village did do something to how i view people. After that trip, I have changed. Somehow, i don't talk as much as i should be, i become quieter- reserved in my speech.
Though i can observe people, able to relate and be sensitive to others, sometimes, i am just too tired. I do really want to hide away, i don't want to have anything to do with anyone.
Now that after colour bid is down, I am thinking whether i should be an entrepreneur. Do i have what it takes to be one. After going through one, i realized that i got so much things to learn, so much things to worry when i am to start a business. So much i wanted the place, maybe this is not what God wants for me.
But i am thankful that i got an internship position in a small insurance company. 2012 will be a better year yet. Greater things are yet to come. I will excel each year.
In 2012, obedience and innocence will be the key.
2012 Resolutions
1) Get all grades at a B and above
2) Exercise every Saturday
3) Be on fire again
Still more coming up
Me, me prawn mee
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
271211 (Tuesday)
It has been quite long since i blogged. In every entry, this seems to be the opening but seriously, when school start, everything just starts to be hectic. Well, this year 2011 has been a good year - improved GPA, got to know friends, got a job as a barista and gotten an intern. I am glad that i have gotten an intern, its a rare opportunity but well, lets go for it.
30th Dec will be the first day of intern and 31st will be my last day as a barista. So far, i have been loving what i am doing. The job at the shop, will is the slackest i would say. I should really sit down one day and reflect upon this year. Oh ya, i have bided for a place in my school and well, we are out after the 2nd round. I guess we were not that good afterall. But after this try, I guess being a boss is hard, so many issues i got to settle, need to look through many lens of those professionals. I am rethinking my decision, there are areas in my life i need to improve on and it will start this coming 2012. 3 more days to 2012, I will do some reflections, set some goals for next year and huat ah.
Why do i still think of you.
It has been quite long since i blogged. In every entry, this seems to be the opening but seriously, when school start, everything just starts to be hectic. Well, this year 2011 has been a good year - improved GPA, got to know friends, got a job as a barista and gotten an intern. I am glad that i have gotten an intern, its a rare opportunity but well, lets go for it.
30th Dec will be the first day of intern and 31st will be my last day as a barista. So far, i have been loving what i am doing. The job at the shop, will is the slackest i would say. I should really sit down one day and reflect upon this year. Oh ya, i have bided for a place in my school and well, we are out after the 2nd round. I guess we were not that good afterall. But after this try, I guess being a boss is hard, so many issues i got to settle, need to look through many lens of those professionals. I am rethinking my decision, there are areas in my life i need to improve on and it will start this coming 2012. 3 more days to 2012, I will do some reflections, set some goals for next year and huat ah.
Why do i still think of you.
Wednesday, October 05, 2011
5 October 2011
I realized that i don't have time to write blog anymore. I often write at least once a month but now, only when i have troubles or problems that i do not know how to share. I don't understand why certain people are able to share so freely with another person while i am so restricted in my expression. I feel that if it is in the past, then why bother saying it. If i have identified it as a trouble, a problem then, i should try to solve it and move on. But how often do i solve it, i think i am a coward, i run away, i hide, pretend to be ignorant to the troubles and problems.
Sometimes, i just need some advices, wise advise that i asked for but often i do not get it. I need opinions and yes, i am new- i don't know the world but i am willing to work hard for it.
This semester has been a good semester, have been doing well so far in both exam and assignments. At least i am able to do well. Hope i can get at least a few As for this semester to pull up my GPA. i seriously am interested in getting good grades and graduate with a good GPA, get a good job and open up the shop that i always wanted.
I shouldn't give up so easily, i should push on.
I realized that i don't have time to write blog anymore. I often write at least once a month but now, only when i have troubles or problems that i do not know how to share. I don't understand why certain people are able to share so freely with another person while i am so restricted in my expression. I feel that if it is in the past, then why bother saying it. If i have identified it as a trouble, a problem then, i should try to solve it and move on. But how often do i solve it, i think i am a coward, i run away, i hide, pretend to be ignorant to the troubles and problems.
Sometimes, i just need some advices, wise advise that i asked for but often i do not get it. I need opinions and yes, i am new- i don't know the world but i am willing to work hard for it.
This semester has been a good semester, have been doing well so far in both exam and assignments. At least i am able to do well. Hope i can get at least a few As for this semester to pull up my GPA. i seriously am interested in getting good grades and graduate with a good GPA, get a good job and open up the shop that i always wanted.
I shouldn't give up so easily, i should push on.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
13-28th July 2011
This has been an enjoyable trip, i think i am a changed self and not the usual self that i am in Singapore. The different side of me in Singapore is so cold, so hard to approach, so withdrawn away from people. Maybe it is true that i have not seen many sides in life. I really do hope to have close friends, friends that i can really share my sorrows outside of church.
Through this trip, somehow within me, there is a stir, a urge to do something for community. I guess my dream of giving scholarship has not vanished. It is still there in my heart. I am so glad that i get to know a buddy, having the thought that she will just be a passer-by in my life, just get to know her during the trip and thats all, and that marks the end of friendship, a friendship for 16days.
Maybe something that HuiShan has found out about me, the fear to commit to friendship cause ultimately, friends will just leave you. Not feeling less confident about myself but i don't want to feel sad just because i have once been close and now so distance away from people.
As days goes by, it just get harder and harder to control my emotions, my emotions of wanting to go back to the village, the wanting to be friends with everyone. It is just hard to manage.
Something that i have learn during the 12 days in the village:
1) Simplicity
2) Happiness that even the smallest things could make them smile (Baboi- pig in taglog) I saw the whole process of how a pig is being slaughtered and how it is being grilled and how it is being served onto my dinning table where the villagers came and enjoyed the feast on the very last day.
3) Go the extra mile, i have been placed into a host family- Ate Annie and Kye Ronna with Roann. They have been treating me, a stranger with such good care. It is quite hard to find someone to treat a stranger with such tender care without any hesitation. Something that i can't find in Singapore, i am touched because of such acts. They have shown me so much.
Even when we have not finished what we have started, the villagers were touched as it has been said, "even the smallest thing that you do, it is able to touch the lives of others."
4) Unconditional love
Love to cook for us, the love to take good care of us, ensuring that we are safe, healthy. It is quite funny to keeping hearing people saying, "man, i need to shit now!", "I need a toilet, i need to LS!" It is quite a joke but as days goes by, karma hits me, i am suffering during R&R trip where i have rashes on both of my hands. Not knowing that it will become so serious, i keep ignoring it when I am in the village.
I do not know what will i become when I am back in Singapore, having these memories in my head, feelings in my heart towards the villagers. Somehow, i am not quite attached yet to the villagers. I did not really felt that it was hard to depart, or maybe, that was not the worst depart i ever got in my life.
Upon sharing my life journal with Project Hope II mates, I cried because i miss my daddy very much. I have stopped thinking about my dad for very long and now, the feelings of a lost dad make me sad.
This trip is enriching, a trip to really know myself, to be able to be true to myself, how i feel, what i think, to keep reflecting upon my own life. So much things that i need to change that i do not know if i can keep it going when I am in Singapore, a changed person. Finding the true self, behaving like someone else, someone so strong on the appearance but so vulnerable inside, not wanting others to know about it. It is sometimes hard to just be like this.
So much things in my mind, so many reflection that i have upon myself.
This has been an enjoyable trip, i think i am a changed self and not the usual self that i am in Singapore. The different side of me in Singapore is so cold, so hard to approach, so withdrawn away from people. Maybe it is true that i have not seen many sides in life. I really do hope to have close friends, friends that i can really share my sorrows outside of church.
Through this trip, somehow within me, there is a stir, a urge to do something for community. I guess my dream of giving scholarship has not vanished. It is still there in my heart. I am so glad that i get to know a buddy, having the thought that she will just be a passer-by in my life, just get to know her during the trip and thats all, and that marks the end of friendship, a friendship for 16days.
Maybe something that HuiShan has found out about me, the fear to commit to friendship cause ultimately, friends will just leave you. Not feeling less confident about myself but i don't want to feel sad just because i have once been close and now so distance away from people.
As days goes by, it just get harder and harder to control my emotions, my emotions of wanting to go back to the village, the wanting to be friends with everyone. It is just hard to manage.
Something that i have learn during the 12 days in the village:
1) Simplicity
2) Happiness that even the smallest things could make them smile (Baboi- pig in taglog) I saw the whole process of how a pig is being slaughtered and how it is being grilled and how it is being served onto my dinning table where the villagers came and enjoyed the feast on the very last day.
3) Go the extra mile, i have been placed into a host family- Ate Annie and Kye Ronna with Roann. They have been treating me, a stranger with such good care. It is quite hard to find someone to treat a stranger with such tender care without any hesitation. Something that i can't find in Singapore, i am touched because of such acts. They have shown me so much.
Even when we have not finished what we have started, the villagers were touched as it has been said, "even the smallest thing that you do, it is able to touch the lives of others."
4) Unconditional love
Love to cook for us, the love to take good care of us, ensuring that we are safe, healthy. It is quite funny to keeping hearing people saying, "man, i need to shit now!", "I need a toilet, i need to LS!" It is quite a joke but as days goes by, karma hits me, i am suffering during R&R trip where i have rashes on both of my hands. Not knowing that it will become so serious, i keep ignoring it when I am in the village.
I do not know what will i become when I am back in Singapore, having these memories in my head, feelings in my heart towards the villagers. Somehow, i am not quite attached yet to the villagers. I did not really felt that it was hard to depart, or maybe, that was not the worst depart i ever got in my life.
Upon sharing my life journal with Project Hope II mates, I cried because i miss my daddy very much. I have stopped thinking about my dad for very long and now, the feelings of a lost dad make me sad.
This trip is enriching, a trip to really know myself, to be able to be true to myself, how i feel, what i think, to keep reflecting upon my own life. So much things that i need to change that i do not know if i can keep it going when I am in Singapore, a changed person. Finding the true self, behaving like someone else, someone so strong on the appearance but so vulnerable inside, not wanting others to know about it. It is sometimes hard to just be like this.
So much things in my mind, so many reflection that i have upon myself.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
210511.
Today aren't fun at all. Don't push the blame to me. Yes, i mentioned kite flying but as a big group. not the few of us. i don't think it was a time of bonding either. I felt that the event should be postponed. But whatever the case is, looking at the sky just makes me smile.
Once bitten twice shy. What's wrong with me being me. I am so afraid of sensitive people. Is it so hard to have a friend that i can be blunt with, joke with. I am really disappointed with people that are sensitive and so afraid that what i say and what i do will hurt them.
Press into someone's life, sacrifice by walking another mile. who can i call my friend, who can i call when i am in danger, who can i depend on for a listening ear, who can i talk so bluntly with that i dun have to think before i speak. moments like these, i cherish alot, to whom i call friend, i am glad that i have a few.
going to bed.
Today aren't fun at all. Don't push the blame to me. Yes, i mentioned kite flying but as a big group. not the few of us. i don't think it was a time of bonding either. I felt that the event should be postponed. But whatever the case is, looking at the sky just makes me smile.
Once bitten twice shy. What's wrong with me being me. I am so afraid of sensitive people. Is it so hard to have a friend that i can be blunt with, joke with. I am really disappointed with people that are sensitive and so afraid that what i say and what i do will hurt them.
Press into someone's life, sacrifice by walking another mile. who can i call my friend, who can i call when i am in danger, who can i depend on for a listening ear, who can i talk so bluntly with that i dun have to think before i speak. moments like these, i cherish alot, to whom i call friend, i am glad that i have a few.
going to bed.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
210511
If you were to ask me, who is my best friend? who know me, what color i like, what i like to eat, what i like, what i dislike. i doubt anyone can answer it. it's just me who dun share or i dun have close friends that i can really open myself to.
When i was in poly, traveling to and fro home and school, the familiar place that i have been. Maybe i should not be so attached.
Human are just funny creature, emotions, actions and venue can be linked together and when anything happen or whenever you walk pass the place. emotions are stirred inside, feeling awful, terrible.
that's what happen today when i walked the small stretch of yew tee. so hoping, coincidentally to be able to see.
Maybe it is time that i should not be so attached to you. enough is enough. move on tianhui, move on.
looking into the night sky make me think alot, make me feel that i should take on and put down things easily.
Maybe i am strong outside, but how many people know i am weak inside. just how many people know. though i am smiling but inside i am tearing.
no matter what, i am really blessed to be where i am here. People form first impression within 7 minutes, so what images do i form? As mentioned, i will never be and never will have. I will not be.
change my heart
make it new, make it strong
for it is you that have touch my heart.
no one else, but you alone that make me whole.
it is you, that i adore. it's just you.
no one could compare to you, as you are the one that i adore.
nothing more that i desire but you.
just you.
If you were to ask me, who is my best friend? who know me, what color i like, what i like to eat, what i like, what i dislike. i doubt anyone can answer it. it's just me who dun share or i dun have close friends that i can really open myself to.
When i was in poly, traveling to and fro home and school, the familiar place that i have been. Maybe i should not be so attached.
Human are just funny creature, emotions, actions and venue can be linked together and when anything happen or whenever you walk pass the place. emotions are stirred inside, feeling awful, terrible.
that's what happen today when i walked the small stretch of yew tee. so hoping, coincidentally to be able to see.
Maybe it is time that i should not be so attached to you. enough is enough. move on tianhui, move on.
looking into the night sky make me think alot, make me feel that i should take on and put down things easily.
Maybe i am strong outside, but how many people know i am weak inside. just how many people know. though i am smiling but inside i am tearing.
no matter what, i am really blessed to be where i am here. People form first impression within 7 minutes, so what images do i form? As mentioned, i will never be and never will have. I will not be.
change my heart
make it new, make it strong
for it is you that have touch my heart.
no one else, but you alone that make me whole.
it is you, that i adore. it's just you.
no one could compare to you, as you are the one that i adore.
nothing more that i desire but you.
just you.
Sunday, May 08, 2011
080511 (Sunday) Happy Mother's Day
i am happy that i went out to spend time with the "sunday gang", at least we are not at the stage of being the "happy birthday friends", that only meet up during birthday. i miss the dates that we used to have. most of the sunday spending slacking away, laughing. I don't know why but i dun have the urge to go home when i am with you guys. Thanks for coming out when i called you. I enjoyed my time with the "sunday gang". I hope that we don't have too extreme change that we don't even bother to call each other out.
When the group get bored, dry or i get bored which i have high tendency to be, will rather be at home rather than to face the awkward silent. I am an active kid who like to just do something, make full use of the time, sitting there silently, yeah only happen when i am on beach or East Coast Park.
I love "being alone" time and i bet some of my friends do like to be alone for a period of time.
For the 3 years, i have not been chatting online on msn. I used to have some many chat windows but now, i don't even go onto msn. i miss talking to ....
i am happy that i went out to spend time with the "sunday gang", at least we are not at the stage of being the "happy birthday friends", that only meet up during birthday. i miss the dates that we used to have. most of the sunday spending slacking away, laughing. I don't know why but i dun have the urge to go home when i am with you guys. Thanks for coming out when i called you. I enjoyed my time with the "sunday gang". I hope that we don't have too extreme change that we don't even bother to call each other out.
When the group get bored, dry or i get bored which i have high tendency to be, will rather be at home rather than to face the awkward silent. I am an active kid who like to just do something, make full use of the time, sitting there silently, yeah only happen when i am on beach or East Coast Park.
I love "being alone" time and i bet some of my friends do like to be alone for a period of time.
For the 3 years, i have not been chatting online on msn. I used to have some many chat windows but now, i don't even go onto msn. i miss talking to ....
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